


Three Months

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6339664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I think Rin's actually very mature when he has to handle this type of situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Months

**Author's Note:**

> Please listen to the song Let It Go by James Bay as you read.
> 
> Special thanks to my friend for editing this and getting me out of writing slump. You're the best.

  “You don’t look that sad,” Haru points out before taking a drink of his water.

  “I don’t know what I feel,” I admit tiredly.

  “Sometimes I am sad, but other times I’m not. I’ll be bitter or nostalgic or numb or for a moment completely over him. But I really don’t know. None of my emotions feel solid, they don’t seem stable.”

  The both of us gaze outside the giant window of the cafe in silence. It’s a sunny day with a little breeze to keep everyone cool; it’s the perfect weather to be outside. Tokyo’s streets are bustling with thousands of people scurrying around or leisurely traveling to their destination. People are driving on the road, walking on the sidewalk, shopping among the stores in the area, and eating in the cafes. Everyone seems so full of life as they continue living their day.

  It makes me want to laugh and cry.

  “Have you thought about talking to him?” He suggests then takes a bite out of his food.

  “Yeah, but it doesn’t seem like a good idea,” I respond continuing to observe the people on the other side of the glass. There’s nothing about them that particularly fascinates me but I can’t seem to turn away. I can’t seem to stop hoping that I’ll see _him_ passing by, even if it’s just for a second.

  “Last time we broke up I decided to text him and a week later we were dating again,” I remind Haru. My eyes still search the crowd of people even though I know I shouldn’t, that disappointment is the only thing that will result from this. I’m not a masochist, I just can’t stop myself.

  “I feel like it’ll only hurt me more because I would expect something to happen.”

  “Why did get back together with him?” Haru questions me as I turn my head to look at him. His ocean blue eyes stare at me, his face expressionless as usual as he awaits my answer.

  “I don’t really know,” is all I could say.

  Both of us continue to eat our meals in silence. Neither of us knew what to say so the noises from our table were the sounds of us chewing food, thank God the cafe’s full of lively people who are animatedly conversing. It fills the melancholic atmosphere surrounding our table. After eating the only conversation between Haru and I is about who pays the bill.

  We exit the cafe and start walking towards the right without even glancing in each other’s direction.

  “Rin?” Haru suddenly calls out as we follow the flow of people moving in the same direction as us. “Yeah?” I answer keeping my eyes forward.

  “What do you miss the most about the relationship?”

  “Do I have to pick just one reason?” I lamely try to joke but Haru doesn’t even fake a smile.

  “There’s a lot of things I miss: all the places we went to, how it feels to cuddle with him, and those special moments we had when we were alone. I miss the way his big hand enclosed mine when we held hands, how safe I felt when we hugged, and how nice it was to just be near him. I miss his annoying smirk and the way he runs his hand through his hair,” I explain as we turn at a street corner.

  “But most of all I miss our conversations-”

  “Sousuke!!!” A voice in the crowd yells out. Immediately I stop speaking and look over the direction of the voice. My eyes frantically search the faces of the people there as my heart pounds uncontrollably. People are either moving around or irritably telling me to move way as they push past me. I feel Haru tug at my arm but I remain where I am, unable to move until I realize the person who was called out isn’t the Sousuke I’m hoping for.

  With one final tug Haru manages to pull me away from my place to the side of the street in front of a boutique. “I’m sorry,” I mumble to him in a small voice before biting my lip and sliding down the big glass window to sit on the sidewalk.

  “It’s fine,” he says as he sits down with me.

  Haru and I sit there for a while in complete silence. We watch people walk past us; some of them not bothering to look at the two weirdos sitting on the ground, and others looking at us with either caution or worry. Possibly both.

    I’m not sure about Haru but I don’t think of anything. My mind’s blank or it’s thinking too much to the point it doesn’t seem like I’m thinking. Either way we sit there long enough that Makoto calls Haru.

   “No Makoto we’re fine. Don’t worry I’ll be home soon. Yes Rin’s fine. Okay bye I love you too,” Haru assures his boyfriend then glances at me. He opens his mouth but I interrupt him.

  “Don’t apologize, just because you guys had a conversation it doesn’t mean I’m hurt.”

  “Ah, let’s start moving before Makoto worries even more,” I announce standing up then I grin down at Haru. For the most part his expression is of course expressionless, but I could tell he’s wondering about something. I offer him a hand up and he takes it.

  The two of us enter the chaotic crowd of people again. Neither of us speaks but this time the atmosphere isn’t tense or in need of quiet. All the ruckus of everyday life fills in the silence that we create to the point I’m not really able to think and I have to focus on making sure I don’t get lost. Usually I hate how loud it is, but this one time I’m thankful for the noise...

  


  “If Sousuke asks you to date him again, would you?”

  The question appears out of nowhere. It catches me off guard and I can’t do anything but continue walking up the stairs to the subway stations. Something inside of me feels queasy, the food from earlier seems to be coming right back up and I feel something cave in… I have no idea if it’s my resolve or my heart.

  “I’m sorry if that’s-”

  “It’s fine,” I cut off Haru’s apology. We stroll towards the platform and wait for the train to arrive. There’s people around us who are waiting from their trains to get here. Children are running around, but not too far from their parents. Teenagers hanging out in groups, all of them laughing and enjoying the moment. Adults in business suits impatiently waiting for their train to arrive while everyone else seems to be enjoying the day. It all makes me sigh as I turn to face the railway.

  “Would I date him again? After everything that happened I still would want to, but I won’t.”

  The wind blows past us ruffling my hair and plaid flannel. Bitterly I laugh out loud.

   “It’s undeniable that I love and care for Sousuke. And I’ll probably never stop. Even if the love I feel for him isn’t the same as it is now, I still love him because we were friends before any of this dating stuff. I love him as a friend and that didn’t stop when he was my boyfriend, part of that love was just set on fire. Even if the fire’s gone now, it didn’t burn the love I have for him as a friend.”

  “If he asked me to date him I would say no because I can’t trust his feelings anymore. It wouldn’t end decently if we date again and there’s no trust. Plus I let him hurt me twice. Once is more than enough but I let him have a second chance. I won’t let him have one again. A part of me thinks if he asks to be together again in the future, and by future I mean five or ten years from now, I would be okay with it but rationally  I know it won’t happen. It’s just a hopeless romantic thought.”

  Haru’s train arrives on the platform. The doors opens to let the people inside file out and to let people in. “Do you feeling any sort of hate towards him?” Haru asks as he boards the train while I stay on the platform behind the white line.

  “Probably, the irrational part of me feels something but from a sensible perspective I don’t. We ended, but we didn’t end badly.”

  Then the doors close and we wave goodbye to each other. His train zooms out of the station as I still stand behind the white line waiting for my train to arrive. I sigh then lean against a stone pillar that's holding up the ceiling. My eyes close and Sousuke's face flashes in my mind. It lingers for a few seconds; his dark raven hair looking naturally messy in an attractive way, his mischievous teal eyes arrogantly gazing down at me. There's a playfully taunting atmosphere surrounding him as he smirks. God that annoyingly smug smirk, if only everyone could see how much of a dork he really is... _Get a grip dumbass,_ I grit inside my head and forcing myself to open my eyes, to face reality. _He's gone..._

  I don't feel okay and I don’t like being alone with my thoughts because now I can only think of one person.

  “Sousuke…”

 

  _There’s so many other things I can say. I can talk about how it’s okay we’re not dating as long as he’s happy or how I could sense something wasn’t right prior to our breakup. I’ve thought about all the rational reasons as to why our breakup isn’t a big deal and all the things I should do to get over him quickly but I can’t help but still feel and be irrational because of emotions. I can’t help but want to cling onto something, to everything. It’s all so conflicting and every second there’s turmoil inside of me but I do know one thing._

_If Sousuke still wants to be friends with me then I would like that. We may not be able to talk now considering I’m still trying to get over him, but hopefully one day we’ll be able to. Hopefully we’ll be able to have those conversations, the ones we stayed up late to have or wouldn’t dare repeat out loud. The conversations where we let our walls crumble because we trusted each other with our demons._

_I just don’t want him to face everything alone. I want to be there for him._

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't leave you, you were the one who left me.


End file.
